Pondering Holiday Memories This Season and What They’re All About

I noticed the sparkle coming from the last ornament I placed on the Christmas tree.

“All set. Looks amazing, and I am ready for the holiday,” I take a step back and reflect. The tree is small. It’s different. Not anything like my childhood Christmas tree.

The ornament is a small knick-knack given to me by my ex-mother-in-law a long time ago.

It symbolizes the birth of my only daughter. It’s just a trinket, but I cherish it because of the memories it brings me. Memories of different times, holidays of the past, good times, bad times.

I can’t throw it away. At least not yet. Not until things change, yet again.

Change is something we cannot avoid. No matter how we try to control our lives, we cannot stop what is coming. It is part of the human condition on this planet.

No one knows why life brings unexpected challenges. The older I get, the more I realize I don’t know much of anything, even though I make it a goal to always be learning. If there is anything I can say I know for certain, it is that life is about change. And sometimes, that can be brutal.

 “The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.”

-Lord Byron

I personally believe this is the hardest thing that human beings experience. Accepting changes we didn’t expect or want in our lives is difficult, sometimes excruciating.

Illnesses happen. Mental health deteriorates. Layoffs happen. Love begins. Love ends. People hurt. People leave. Betrayal occurs. Nothing stays the same.

People get married. People grow. Your friend moves thousands of miles away. They take that job. They have babies. People divorce. They change careers. They make crazy decisions. They might even decide to jump off a bridge.

It’s all the human experience.

I can’t help but think about all this during the holidays more than any other time of the year. I suppose it’s because this is the season when we are forced to reflect, perhaps compelled to look at our lives, our past, our mistakes, and our challenges.

We think about our plans for the new year, vowing to make our lives better, to be better. There is nothing wrong with this. It’s what we need to do.

And some of us are done. We don’t care about the holidays or the new year. I can surely understand this kind of thinking, because I have been there.

No matter how much I want to avoid the holidays, however, I can’t do it. I am not that kind of person. I need to reflect. I suppose that is what being a writer is all about – seeking truth and attempting to understand what has happened and why. Sometimes answers come, and sometimes they don’t.

I will tell you that thinking about what I’ve experienced in my life is sometimes overwhelming, and I am not sure I will ever heal from all of it. I know I am not alone. I have written about overcoming difficult experiences since 2013. I write because it helps me make some sense of the seemingly senseless. In doing so, I hope to inspire others to heal, to let them know they are not alone.

Even though recovery from trauma is hard and I focus on learning from those experiences, I also make it a point to remember the incredible, joyful times, too. I’ve done so many things that brought me bliss in this life. I know you have, too.

It seems no matter how many different Christmas trees I decorate, how many ornaments I buy, or how many cookies I bake, the memories never fade. They are always there like snow falling and sticking. Sure, it melts away sometimes, but it comes back, sometimes slowly and methodically, like feeling those soft snowflakes on your cheeks. And sometimes, memories hit like a winter storm that won’t let up.

Sometimes I look at the Christmas tree and have to shed a tear. It’s what life is about.

My parents have passed away. Cousins are dead. Aunts and uncles, dead. Grandparents, dead.

My only brother died in 2020. I still remember his voice, but I wonder for how long.

My uncle will never bring home Argentine sandwiches and empanadas again. He is also dead.

Christmas eves where Dad put too much wood in the fireplace and made more clean-up work for Mom are gone.

I might never see my sister’s beautiful smile again because we are estranged.

I will never hear my aunt’s laugh again or live in the splendor of her vivacious spirit. RIP, Gladys.

“Pain is universal. We all experience pain, loss, and death the same way.” – Isabel Allende

All I have are bittersweet memories now – memories that I have somehow compartmentalized in my mind so I could live my life with some semblance of “normal.” These memories will fade in time, but for now, I will cherish them because I can. Because I am still alive.

I’m now making memories with my current family. More change to accept. More sparkly ornaments to fill the tree. More beautiful lights around town to appreciate. More memories to make. More laughs. More lessons. More wondering about it all.

Can you relate? What’s your story? Do you celebrate the holidays?

I feel sad sometimes, but I also feel grateful and complete – honestly, it’s a hard thing to explain. I realize it’s okay to accept all that happens in life, because all of it is an incredible experience.

Maybe all the holiday bedazzle of lights on the tree or on buildings all over the city inspire me to contemplate. Maybe they remind me that life is truly an amazing experience, if I allow it to be.

Happy Holidays.

“And in the end, we were all just humans… Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.”

– F. Scott Fitzgerald

© Copyright Vilma G. Reynoso 2025